Not so anonymous.

Something happened today.  It's something I always knew might happen.  In fact, it didn't actually happen today.  It began happening organically for the last few months.  This little blog o' mine lost its anonymity.  It came to a head today when work emailed me asking to use some of my blog content in their newsletter.

I immediately called my Dad to discuss.  As one does.

He said, 'you've been posting pictures of your feet and your coffee mugs for a long time...why don't you want them to know who you are?'.  To which I replied something like, 'Daaaad!!!!  All of the feeeeelllings!!!!'.  

I followed up the call to my Dad with a call to my Cousin, a call to my Bestie, a call to my Mom and, a few texts.  As one does.

In the end, everyone had the same question:  why does it bother you that it's not anonymous?

Most people said, 'just own it'.

The answer feels complicated but, really it's quite simple.  

It's a lot to own because it's just so personal.

Sure, there are things that get thrown into the mix because nothing is ever simple.  Things like, I started blogging at 26.  I wrote about things that I wouldn't write about today.   Some of my views have changed through the years - do I go back in time and delete content?  There are other things like, if some of the guys from work read about my feelings would they judge me harshly?  More importantly, why do I care...isn't that the bigger issue?

I ran across a quote from Steve Jobs that rang true.

“That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

— Steve Jobs

Do you want to know the truth?  Blogging anonymously was a bit of a cop out.  I could write my little heart out - rant and rave - and never be held fully accountable.  

In this case, simple is harder.  Not being anonymous is simpler.  It's also going to be a challenge.  I will have to work harder to get my thinking clean.  

Maybe, just maybe, having to 'own it' will be liberating.  

just a tiny note...

How great is this card my Auntie Noni sent me?!  Love it! 

Hello Friends, 

I just wanted to mention one small thing: 

I connected my Instagram and Facebook accounts!  Finally, right?! 

I know some of you wanted to see the Instagram pics and couldn't...maybe this will solve the problem? 

When I'm at work (and sheesh, even when I'm at home!) I use Instagram as a microblog. It's just fun and easy and I don't need as much patience with the sluggish Internet. 

Hope this helps Historiauntie! 

xo, 

Megan

Can we just talk about blogs for a second?

Let's just talk about blogs for a second.  I mean, really think about the overall concept.  Sometimes when I think about what's really going on here I find it very, very strange.  Sometimes I have incredibly cynical feelings about myself and the blog.   It almost feels like I've detached from myself (and from the blog) and am look at myself from a different angle - or maybe even from above - and I'll think, 'why am I doing this?!'.

I'm sitting here, and I haven't written in a month.  I have guilt.  Like genuine, bonafide guilt.  When I try to analyze the why I can't put my finger on it.  I've let my readers down?  Maybe.  Could be valid.  But, let's be honest and admit I know almost every single one of you.

I got a text message last night from a friend pointing out that I hadn't been writing.  I wasn't lying when I said it's been stressing me out!

Here's the thing.  There's all this stuff that I want to talk about.  There are all the moments of every day life that I think about sharing.  There's the real talk.  The best parts of life that are hard and great at the same time -the family - the friends - the time - the money - the job.  Then I start to think, 'why the heck are you posting this on the internet?!'. 

I often wonder if my blog is innately narcissistic.  I have this place on the internet where I write about myself - then I hope people read about it.  What I keep coming back to is that it's only narcissistic when I'm not 'keeping it real'.  When I'm only sharing the good.  When I'm styling photos.  When I'm glossing over the not so amazing details.  

You know what's hard about 'keeping it real'?  It makes you vulnerable.  Truth.

I invariably find myself going back to the big question of, 'why the heck are you posting this on the internet?!'.  I mean, sure, vulnerability is part of our human experience but, does it have to happen online?  Because, lets be clear: once it's posted, it's there forever.  There are no 'take backs' online.       

I think the reason I struggle with this is because I'm naturally an oversharer.  For example, I'll tell you that I tripped down the stairs and showed my panties to the world.  I could hold it in but, I rarely do.  The thing is, if I had held it in then it would mean only 10 people know my panties were exposed - not 100.  

Where's the line?  When do you make yourself vulnerable and when do you hold it in?  When I wrote a post on writing and feelings I shared a quote by Brené Brown, 'I don't share anything until my healing and growth is no longer dependent on the reaction to it'.  I started to share some essays I had written during a rough time.  But then I started to second guess myself.  Am I over it?  Am I no longer dependent on the reaction?  Have I grown?  

Yesterday, I was prepping vegetables in the kitchen and a song I loved came on.  I started to spontaneously dance.  Like drop what I'm doing and break it down in the kitchen.  I whipped out my phone and I took a photo of my counter.  It was a disaster and it totally cracked me up.  I thought, 'maybe I'll post this on the blog'.  

Narcissism?  Oversharing?  Vulnerability?  Maybe a little of all three?  But also, my love of this little space I've created on the internet.  My love of my Nautie Friends.  My love of writing.  My love of photography.  My love of a tiny dose of creativity.  It's my moment of zen.  

All this to say, I know this place is gathering cob webs.  It won't be forever.  In fact, I think I'll start dusting them off.  

Reader Survey Success!

Thank you for taking the time to respond to the Reader Survey - quite a few of you took the time and it really meant a lot.  

This blog is a strange little niche of wonderful in my life however; there are a couple of unfortunate realities.  Real Talk.  This blog costs me a fair amount of money every year.  I pay to keep my domain name, I pay to host with Squarespace (which I don't regret) and at times I've paid to have a custom designed blog.  Secondly, this blog takes up more time than I care to admit.  If I was working a traditional job, had children or sheesh, even more of a social life, I'd struggle to find the time.

Second dose of Real Talk:  considering the financial output and the amount of time I spend on the blog I'm sometimes really disappointed in myself for not working on growing my audience.  This is an issue that I'm personally divided right down the middle on.  This blog doesn't help me sell anything, market anything or support any part of a business.  This blog doesn't inherently appeal to a large group of people.  This blog is casual - there is no posting schedule, no content geared toward SEO (search engine optimization), no carefully curated Pinterest boards designed to generate traffic - you get the idea.  If I wanted to increase my readership I'd need to do these things.  When I really think about what I personally love about this blog it is the fact that it's organic.  I write what feels good when it feels good.  I try not to worry about it when I get overly busy or preoccupied.  There you have it...the right down the middle...work on growing or just let it be.

The Reader Survey was really interesting so I thought I'd share my findings!  I had 18 Survey takers.  I'll admit I wished I got more takers but, those who took it were a super diverse bunch!  

Question One confirmed what I already knew.  Most of you have been reading for a long time.  I love that you've all seen the ups and the downs.  You've also seen five different vessels!  It also confirmed that I could try a little harder to spread the Nautie word.  

You are a loyal bunch!  I can't tell you how many blogs I read that I don't bother with for every post.  If I get behind sometimes I just 'mark them all as read' and start fresh.  Thanks for taking the time to keep up!  Smooches.

This told me something I didn't know.  A fair amount of you are using Facebook.  I'll try harder to update Facebook more frequently when blog posting might be a little slower.  

Many of you took the time to drop me a note letting me know you do comment!  I have to confess I'm a big blog reader but am not a big commenter.  Most times I don't comment because I don't feel I have anything relevant to say.  This question was part of a survey that I modeled mine after. I thought it was a good one because, ideally, commenting helps build a community.  I love the idea of community in the interwebz.  So many of us spend a fair amount of time surfing the web.  If we are going to preserve the concept of interpersonal relationships community building is essential.  

The responses to this question blew my mind.  I thought 'raw, real and personal' was gonna get the cold shoulder.  It was the winner!  I am usually mortified when I hit publish on posts where I talk about crying at the bar, meowing, or not being able to find a job.  I whim and wah and general question myself when I put it all out there - apparently you guys really like that - good to know.  The answers to this question also told me that there's is a little something for everyone here.  The answers were pretty well divided.

Thank you for spending time with me here in this lovely little corner of the Internet!

To the owner of Jasper, you will soon get a little somethin' somethin' in your mailbox!

The Reader Survey is now closed.  Thank you all for participating!

#blogshop

I decided to invest a little in my bloggy self.  I signed up for a two day photoshop for bloggers class called blogshop.  I've wanted to take this class forever but, due to my shipping schedule I haven't been able to make time - or more accurately figure out a time.  They offered an online version so I hopped on it!

My photoshop knowledge has increased exponentially and I can't wait to practice, practice, practice!  You lucky lovelies are about to become guinea pigs to the nth degree!  

I mean...I can now make colored geckos pop out of black and white photos.  These things are important.