We're moving up in the world - I actually have a guest author! A friend sent me this My Life Is So Weird moment. It really cracked me up. It was pointed out to me that a basic understanding of military rank is necessary as it is a key plot point. In the Marine Corps a Lieutenant Colonel is an O-5 this would be the equivalent of a Navy Commander - that is high up there. The LtCol likes to imagine himself redesigning the world. This conversation is about how there is some sort of leak in the coffee maker which makes the grounds go everywhere. This really cracked me up - people on ships take their coffee VERY seriously - and clearly so does the military! Oh! There is a little bit of swearing but it's not too bad...and names have been changed to protect the guilty...
Ralphie: "I wonder if it's just these cheap filters we use"
LtCol: "There has to be a way to solve this problem with technology."
Ralphie: "Like what, sir? Not buying cheap filters?"
LtCol: "Ok, so here's what you do. Get a coffee bush, and use the green beans so they are sticky and coagulate instead of crumble"
Ralphie: "What's a coffee bush, sir?"
LtCol: "If you use a very fine mesh the coagulated beans will stay in a ball and they won't come apart. You would have to use extreme pressure to force the juices out"
Ralphie: "Juices...I don't think coffee works that way."
LtCol: "But the pressure would bend the mesh unless you made it out of something really strong. Titanium. Yeah...no...yeah...titanium."
Ralphie: (just stand there looking at him)
LtCol: "What were Wolverine's claws made out of?...Yeah...Ok, no. Here...The waste beans could be refined to make biodiesel, like peanuts. Then the biodiesel can run the press that squeezes the beans."
Ralphie: "How would that help us, sir?"
LtCol: "If the press runs on waste then there is no waste and you don't need electricity for the press."
Ralphie: "Sir, I think that's part of that thing Einstein was working on. Creating energy and all that."
LtCol: "Are you mouthing off to me, son?"
Ralphie: "No sir, it's a great idea. The coffee maker may have just become obsolete."
LtCol: "Ok, then yeah. The other thing is, if you don't have to wait for the beans to grow as old, you save money. Yeah, so that the farmers don't need as much subsidies for crop rotation incentives."
Ralphie: "Or we could just get better filters."
LtCol: "Fuck you. I was almost to the part where I solve world hunger."
Ralphie: "Sir, you're not supposed to talk to your subordinates like that."
LtCol (doing what I assume is a 'The Incredible Hulk' impression): yells "Ralphie! You're making me angry! You don't want to make me angry!!"
Ralphie: (starting to back away) "Ok sir, I'm gonna go. This was excruciatingly informative."
LtCol: "Wait...can you make the coffee?"