I've decided that there are a few different types of My Life Is So Weird moments. There are weird shipping moments - those will be called 'Mariner Style'; weird things happen to me all the time at home - those will be called 'Home Style'; and now, I have a friend sending me hilarious stories from overseas - those will be called 'Military Style'. Here's a little background: This whole conversation consisted of emails. LCpl is Lance Corporal, or E-3. SNCO is Staff Non-Commissioned Officer. SSgt is Staff Sergeant, or E-6. I took the liberty of changing some names myself (to protect the guilty, of course).
LCpl Tater Tot: Sir, good afternoon I have youre package is here for pick up. Me: Good afternoon, LCpl. Who are you, and what package of mine do you have? LCpl: Sir I have your request. Me: Ok, excellent. I have two questions for you, and I need answers to both of them. 1) Where do you work? 2) What package do you want me to pick up? LCpl: It is the request you submitted. Me: I route about 4 requests a day, currently I have narrowed the field down to about 30 possible packages you could be referring to. Please call me at ###-####. LCpl: Sir when can you pick up youre package Me: LCpl Tater Tot, call me. My number is ###-####. [the following day] Me: LCpl, I need you to either call me or provide me some information. I have no idea who you are, where you are, what package you are talking about, or why you would have something of mine. If it has my name on it, it is very important so I need you to contact me without delay. LCpl: Good morning sir. My Sargent said to ask me let you know youre package is still ready for pick up. Me: CLICK REPLY, TYPE YOUR PHONE NUMBER, AND CLICK SEND. NOW LCpl: ### Me: You forgot three digits. Go find your SNCO [staff non-commissioned officer, or boss in other words], and tell him that I said to read this email chain. Just so we're clear, that is a direct order. SNCO: Sir this is SSgt Fuzzledorf. I sincerely apologise for LCPL Tater Tot emails. We have your package. Our number is ####. Me: I'm in building XXXX, office YYYY. I'll be at my desk until 1130. Bring whatever paperwork you have for me, and bring Tater Tot too. I'd like to have a conversation with both of you.
Thanks again to our guest poster!