On writing and feelings.

I've been writing lots.  I just haven't been writing here.  

Through the years (can you believe it's been five years?!) I've shared a lot.  Some might even say I've overshared.  

I really don't mind feeling vulnerable here in Nautie Mermate Land.  Recently I've made some changes - I can't say they've been in rapid succession but, changes have occurred.

After having distanced myself from the blog a bit I was feeling pretty blue about it.  I was on a tug and we were hiding out from weather in Tenakee Springs, Alaska.  I put on my rain gear and boots and decided to walk along the beach in the rain while listening to podcasts.  You know, as one does.  

I was taking pictures and picking up rocks and shells and sinking into soaked beach grass when I heard BrenĂ© Brown say this,  "I don't share anything until my healing and growth is no longer dependent on the reaction to it".

It was one of those moments where you say, 'uh huh!  yes!  exactly!  that's what I'm doing!'.  She was highlighting the difference between vulnerability and putting it all out there when you're not ready.  I realized I had been unconsciously holding back because I wasn't ready.    

Every one has their own method of 'processing'.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I listen to music.  I make a plan.  I whim and wah about the plan.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I move forward.  Sometimes I stick with the plan sometimes the plan is 'there is no plan'.  I write.  I journal.  I hermit.  I move forward.

This time around, while I was writing, journaling and hermiting I happened across a book by Cheryl Strayed (one of my favorite authors), called Brave Enough.  It's a book of quotes from her writings.  I'm a quote lover.  I'm a quote collector.  I'm a quote scribbler.

Quotes have gotten me through some of my roughest days.  I turn them into mantras.  I share them with friends.  I write them on my hands, books, day planners, fridge.  I share them on the blog, on Facebook, and Instagram.

When I found Brave Enough I highlighted quotes that immediately resonated and I wrote about them.  They turned into these mini essays that were incredibly cathartic.  It turns out - I had all of the feelings.  I had so many feelings I was blowing my own mind.  

We're about to welcome in a New Year and I think I'm ready to start sharing again.

This is all to say, I'm going to attempt to make the blog part of my day to day life again.  I'd like to share some of my 'little brave enough essays'.  I'd like to show you some pictures from the past year that I've been digitally hoarding.  I'd like to share some quotes.  I'd like to talk about the night sky.  

I hope your holidays were restful.  I hope you're feeling inspired.  I hope you're feeling brave enough.