#Reverb10 12-10-10

December 10 Prompt:  Wisdom.  What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

My first thought was super pessimistic…..I thought it was a wise decision to do another rotation on this ship (even though I had a bad feeling about it) because now I know exactly how miserable shipboard life can get.  Isn’t that awful?!  I don’t even need to think about how it played out – because it’s playing out as we speak – and it sucks!

I know it sounds dramatic but, this rotation has truly sucked.  The good news is I have learned a lot….because if nothing else I have learned that I can handle just about anything.  This ship is punishing.  It has been one disaster after another….and I’ve been subjecting myself to it for almost three years.

To think that my wise decision was signing up for more punishment is just plain pathetic!  Just how institutionalized have I become?!  I’ve cast aside the notion that I have options!  I don’t have to do another rotation here!!  I can at least look for another job!  At least I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried to get out of here. 

What is even more pathetic is that the ‘good news’ is that I now know that I can handle anything….as if it was ever in question?!  I mean really, who cares how much I can handle?!  I’ve told myself repeatedly this trip to ‘toughen up’.  Toughening, handling and enduring are words that should be reserved for extreme circumstances….like illness and injury…..or fighting for a just cause.  Why do I have to toughen up anyways?!  It’s not exactly like I’m a spineless lassie, a simpering maiden or a delicate flower.  Just two days ago I described myself as independent, honest and bossy!  I’m just about as jaded, cynical, and obstinate as young women get these days.  I should be saying ‘No!  I don’t want to toughen up!  Why don’t you toughen up!’  Then I should make a grand exit…. 

I actually made my wisest decision back in October when I started my blog.  My blog makes me look for the silver lining – because who wants to look at photos of broken down machinery, empty shelves where our spare parts should be and rusty pipelines?!

If I was a glass half-full kind of person I’d say that my blog has shown me how to see the beauty in every day – but I’m kind of more on the dark and cloudy side – and what my blog has really done is draw my attention to the fact that I haven’t had fun in awhile….because my blog itself is my ‘most fun thing’.   I’m currently devising a plan to rectify this situation……in the meantime….at least my blog makes me smile.