Hot Mess-Ness

I lean towards organized chaos.  That tends to be my modus operandi.  There’s usually a loose plan, I figure out what absolutely needs to happen, and then the rest falls into place (or doesn’t) and I move forward.

Of late, organized chaos has felt more like ‘hot mess’.

It’s been a big mishmash of things.  The heart wrenching loss of the El Faro, my missing purse with requisite shut down credit cards, new IDs and cellphone, a root canal and a lot of work on the homefront.  I’ve been wallowing in my less than organized hot mess-ness.

I like to allow myself to ‘let myself relax’.  I feel like it’s my reward for being on point at work.  Except that at times it feels pathetic.

This week I got an impromptu request to do a boat delivery from Seattle to Alaska.  It felt like horrible timing.  My house is torn apart.  Alaska is cold.  I’m in ‘let myself relax’ mode.  I agreed to go because:  Hello Big Picture!  

I decided that it was such a short trip that I didn’t need to ‘think to hard about packing’.  I read my book, did some laundry, played with the dog, listened to music and, took a bath.

Then I woke up at 0330 and flew around the house like a hot mess.  

I went to sea - for admittedly a short trip - but seriously whats a short trip - you know how these things turn out -7 days turns into 14 - with dishes in my sink and garbage in the trashcan.  

I have to admit that I feel disappointed in myself.  Disappointed that I let myself relax straight into being a hot mess.

Here’s to a safe trip to sea, an attitude adjustment and a clean up when I return.

Here’s also to the best mom ever - don’t worry friends I won’t return to maggots.  Love You Mamikins!  

ps the photo is of my favorite dog LuLu.  I love you all too much to post a picture of my messy kitchen.  You’re Welcome.  Smooches.

Merchant Mariner Strong

My friend Kaitlin held a vigil with 33 candles on a beach in Florida for the crew of the El Faro.

This past week, the Maritime Community, has come together in heart wrenching hopefulness as we watch the El Faro incident unfold.  It's filled me with feelings I didn't even know I could have simultaneously.  It's very hard to imagine your friends, your fellow mariners, your family in distress.  

The Maritime Community is a Family.  There are very few people who really get me.  Who can empathize with me, who can encourage me, boost my confidence, give me a wise word of caution.  It's very hard to articulate that we are the El Faro.  That the crew of the El Faro is us.   

I recently read an essay and happened upon a couple of quotes. 

“We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.

It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are your team.”

— Marina Keegan

Watching my classmates, previous shipmates, fellow mariners, family and friends band together to provide support, hope, and love has been the opposite of loneliness.  It's been more than love and more than community.  

I've been asked frequently what my thoughts are on the situation from those who aren't associated with the maritime industry.  

As you begin to form opinions and ask questions I'd like you to remember that we weren't there - we don't know.  We can speculate, we can judge, we can feel anger but, we weren't there - we don't know.  What do we know?  That these were Professional Mariners, some with years of experience, with a highly esteemed Captain in command.

Instead I encourage you to HOPE.

I hope.

I hope the families and loved ones of the El Faro Crew can feel the love the Maritime Community has for their Mariner.  

I hope their families have found strength in each other as they wait for news.

I hope those who have passed have found peace.

I hope the Crew of the El Faro feels the opposite of loneliness.

I hope with every sunset, that like the CG Captain said in the press conference, the will to live will trump all odds.

I hope for miracles.

Hope anchors the soul.  Hebrews 6:19

Soulful Sunday :: For Those In Peril On The Sea

Eternal Father, strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who biddest the mighty ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy Word,
Who walked on the foaming deep,
And calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy Spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee,
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our family shield in danger’s hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect us wheresoever we go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

I'm praying for the crew of the El Faro and their families.  I just keep hoping they come home with the sea story to beat all sea stories.  I just HOPE.  HOPE.  HOPE.

To quote my friend Serena, 'Danielle, you might be at sea but, you're not alone'.

Using Ad Blockers - Brought to you by a Podcast Lover

If you talk to me often, you know you'll hear this at some point during a discussion:  I was listening to this podcast and they were talking about how...

I'm taking this (possibly) annoying habit one step further and, am opening up a podcast discussion here in Nautie Mermate Land.  

Yesterday, I was getting caught up on a podcast I love called Note To Self.  They were talking about how Apple gives the option to Ad Block with their most recent update.  You should really, really give it a listen.

Seems pretty straight forward right?  We hate it when we get pop ups.  Or when we have to stop to watch an ad before we can read an article.  Except, it's not that simple.  Publishers rely heavily on advertising revenue to stay afloat.  What do we do when these publishers go out of business?

We have to be prepared for small publishers to go out of business and large companies like Apple and Facebook swooping in to save the day.  We'll hear them saying, 'oh don't worry that your news isn't free anymore because Ads stopped paying the bills and Mr. Small Publisher had to close up shop - just head over to our News Service'.  Apple News.  Facebook News.

I realize this makes me sound like a conspiracy theorist but, I think anytime a free flow of information is jeopardized as a society we need to be worried.  We need to consider who is controlling the flow of information.  We need to consider the long term consequences of not being able to hear alternate view points.  

Last week I listened to a podcast by Planet Money - an ultimate favorite podcast.  It was about the concept of 'Free'.  How people rebel when things that used to be considered free now have a price attached.  The example they gave was how Veterans feel about the Red Cross.  Super Interesting!  Give it a listen!  NY Times online articles are another great example of this - you get ten articles a month for free and then they require a subscription - except we're used to getting news for free!

Where am I going with this?  The internet has always been 'free' - except it hasn't - it's been paid for by advertising.  How does Google make money?  Google is an advertising agency.  As per Wikipedia 96% of Google's revenue is from advertising.  

This poses an interesting ethical dilemma.  Should we stop allowing large companies to track our every move with cookies and bombard us with advertisements?  Even if it means death to the indie publication and the start-up?

Some of the App Developers who have created Ad Blockers have removed them from the App Store after having second thoughts.

I encourage you to read the original article by Casey Johnston which Manoush references on Note to Self.  

Most of you know that I love the internet.  I love it.  Being a sailor it has allowed me to stay connected in a way that has never before been an option.  When I was a cadet we lined up at payphone's (wait, what are those?!) on the dock.  I received snail mail!  Later, we had email that went through the Captain.  He'd print it out and put it on your door.  My last vessel had wifi.  I could iMessage!  Download podcasts!  Instagram!

I won't be installing Ad Blockers.  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Thoughts on being home.

The thing about spending half your year at sea - or just away from home - is that nothing stops while you're away.  

In my mad dash to head out the door I left a little sweet potato stuck in a glass on my windowsill. It had two tiny sprouts coming out the top. This is what I came home to. How it survived let alone thrived is beyond me.  

It's the perfect analogy for just about everything else in my life. 

My family. My friendships. My home.  

I often times leave and return to find things have changed.  

After ten years what I know is this - the things that are meant to be will be here when I return. You know that friend you can see after five years and it's like nothing has changed?  Some things are just meant to be.  

It always takes a few days after coming home to assess the lay of the land.  

What's new. What's the same. What's something I need to let go of. What's broken. What doesn't matter if it never gets fixed.   

People keep asking 'what are your plans this time home?' and what I really wanna say is, 'leave me alone.  I don't need a plan.' but, I don't. I pretend I'm socially adept and tell them what they want to hear.  

Then I hang out in my house. I water my new little sweet potato plant. I rummage through my shelves to see all the things I've forgotten I like. I stream music (because hello cell phone reception is glorious). I wear my pajamas until the afternoon. I shoo the neighborhood cats off my porch.  

My plan is to do that on repeat. The people who don't care I've been gone will stop by and join me.  

M.L.I.S.W :: A Present

I came back to my room and found a ratty old hair elastic hanging on the handle of my door.  

First off, I haven't used this hair tie in two months. I maybe had it when I first got here but, as you can see it got a disgusting hair ball snarl on it.  

I don't know what happened. Either I threw it out, or I thought I threw it out...or it's not mine. Regardless, I haven't seen it in months.  

Minus the fact that I have to wonder where someone found it. I have to wonder what exactly went through their minds... 

My mind imagines this discovery developing two ways.  

Option A: 

This is Effin disgusting. Damn Megan and her hair - it's everywhere!  Screw her we're gonna hang this nastiness on her door.  

Option B: 

Oh look!  A hair tie!  Must be Megan's!  I bet she wants it back!  I'll hang it on her door.  

Either way the elastic hanging progressed I'm gonna throw a curve ball... 

Friends, I don't think the hair tie is mine. I don't use those hair ties. They're too thin for my hair. I think it belongs to an AB who has long hair. Which ups the ick factor by 100%.  

My Life Is So Weird.