I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. There I said it. It's kind of the ultimate taboo - I mean, really, who says nice things about themselves?!
I rang in 2012 a bit down in the dumps. I hated my ship, I loved being in Maine but didn't love being in Maine at the same time, I was a smidge lonely even though I was surrounded by amazing people and friends...I just didn't know what to do next.
Then I happened upon the word CHOOSE. This word changed my life. I know, I know, that sounds insanely dramatic - but, it's all kinds of true.
Making a choice is not always an easy thing - and for some reason making a choice when you are in a funk is extra tough - I had already selected the word choose but I wasn't actually choosing - then all of a sudden I was - and things got good -really good.
Nautie Friends, I made some tough choices and, there was crying.....a lot of crying. There were sad goodbyes. There were a lot of Nicki Minaj rock out moments - When you go hard your nays become yays! There was a lot of packing. There were moments of doubt - and insecurities. There was exhaustion. (To my family and friends who got phone calls - sometimes at ungodly hours - and had to listen to crying Megan - thank you, thank you, thank you.)
I said goodbye (when it was hard), I quit my job (without another one lined up), I said yes (to a new ship and a Chief Mates position), I learned (a new type of cargo) and, I moved (to Houston, Texas).
AND IT FEELS GOOD
....like, really, really GOOD.
CHOOSE I DID.
When I made it to Houston I drove around - to Ikea, and Target and the grocery store and Target and Ikea- rocking out to Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys - like over and over again. In fact, I'm pretty sure I blew out one of my speakers because I was rocking out. (I'm channeling all kinds of Katniss Everdeen these days.)
Oh, she got both feet on the ground And she's burning it down Oh, she got her head in the clouds And she's not backing down This girl is on fire
I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing.
I'M SO EXCITED.
For the last bit of 2012 I've been feeling guilty - for feeling so good. I've been a little reticent to share my plans, and my excitement for the future. It just hasn't felt right when people ask how I'm doing to say, 'I'm doing GREAT! I'm on FIRE!'.
But, Seriously?! EFF THAT!
I FEEL GREAT. I FEEL EXCITED. I FEEL LIKE I'M ON FIRE.
I wanted to send 2012 off with a bang. I compiled some of my favorite moments into a bit of a slideshow. It's unapologetically cheesy. I almost put the video to this song unfortunately, it was just a little too short. That being said - I think Ani has it exactly right: If you're not getting happier as you get older - then you're fucking up.