In 2012...I CHOSE.

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I'M PROUD OF MYSELF. There I said it.  It's kind of the ultimate taboo - I mean, really, who says nice things about themselves?!

I rang in 2012 a bit down in the dumps.  I hated my ship, I loved being in Maine but didn't love being in Maine at the same time, I was a smidge lonely even though I was surrounded by amazing people and friends...I just didn't know what to do next.

Then I happened upon the word CHOOSE.  This word changed my life.  I know, I know, that sounds insanely dramatic - but, it's all kinds of true.

Making a choice is not always an easy thing - and for some reason making a choice when you are in a funk is extra tough - I had already selected the word choose but I wasn't actually choosing - then all of a sudden I was - and things got good -really good.

Nautie Friends, I made some tough choices and, there was crying.....a lot of crying.  There were sad goodbyes.  There were a lot of Nicki Minaj rock out moments - When you go hard your nays become yays!  There was a lot of packing.  There were moments of doubt - and insecurities.  There was exhaustion.  (To my family and friends who got phone calls - sometimes at ungodly hours - and had to listen to crying Megan - thank you, thank you, thank you.)

I said goodbye (when it was hard), I quit my job (without another one lined up), I said yes (to a new ship and a Chief Mates position), I learned (a new type of cargo) and, I moved (to Houston, Texas).

AND IT FEELS GOOD

....like, really, really GOOD.

CHOOSE I DID.

When I made it to Houston I drove around - to Ikea, and Target and the grocery store and Target and Ikea- rocking out to Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys - like over and over again.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I blew out one of my speakers because I was rocking out.   (I'm channeling all kinds of Katniss Everdeen these days.)

Oh, she got both feet on the ground And she's burning it down Oh, she got her head in the clouds And she's not backing down This girl is on fire

I feel like I'm exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing.

I'M SO EXCITED.

For the last bit of 2012 I've been feeling guilty - for feeling so good.  I've been a little reticent to share my plans, and my excitement for the future.  It just hasn't felt right when people ask how I'm doing to say, 'I'm doing GREAT!  I'm on FIRE!'.

But, Seriously?!  EFF THAT!

I FEEL GREAT.  I FEEL EXCITED.  I FEEL LIKE I'M ON FIRE.

I wanted to send 2012 off with a bang.  I compiled some of my favorite moments into a bit of a slideshow.  It's unapologetically cheesy.  I almost put the video to this song unfortunately, it was just a little too short.  That being said - I think Ani has it exactly right:  If you're not getting happier as you get older - then you're fucking up.   

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqFPvsXziaY

2012.  YOU WERE AMAZING.

For those new to nautiemermate a little background on the word choose - and my 2011 send off...

Nautie Books :: The Scorpio Races Wrap Up

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water horse Some of my favorite moments in The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater...

Sean:  "Instead I remember him as he was before the race:  afraid.  I won't make that same mistake."

Puck:  "She is my are and my best friend, and I keep waiting for something bad to happen to her, because I love her too much."

Puck:  "I didn't actually realize there wasn't much to the island until a few years ago, when I started reading magazines."

Puck:  "Actually, I know different.  And it's still enough."

Puck:  "The kitchen has turned into the small, yellow place that it becomes at night when the darkness outside presses it smaller."

Puck:  "I add, hurriedly, "Sir," because Dad once said that saying "sir" makes gentlemen out of ruffians."

Puck:  "Mum liked to say that some things happen for a reason, that sometimes obstacles were there to stop you from doing something stupid."

Sean:  ""You look in fine spirits."  "Do I?"  "Well, your face looks like it remembers a smile," Holly Says."

Puck:  ""Don't expect them to be friendly to you, Puck," Peg Gratton tells me, as if Elizabeth's not there.  "A lot of them consider a girl on the beach bad luck.  They won't be happy to see you."  I press my lips together.  "I don't need them to be friendly.  Just need them to let me go about my business."  That would be a kindness," Peg says."

Puck:  "Because it doesn't matter how brave I've been or how brave I will be.  It only took a casual handful of minutes to convince everyone here that I don't belong on the beach."

Puck:  "You sure don't like to do anything the easy way, do you?" "I didn't know," I start truthfully, "that it was the hard way when I started on it."

Sean:  "But that's part of this, the not knowing.  The surrender to the possibilities beneath the surface."

Puck:  "I had thought, for some reason, that being one of the riders in the Scorpio Races would get me a bit more respect, but it's ever surprising, the things that don't change."

Sean:  "Corr can hold a thousand things in his heart and reveal only one of them on his face, like he did earlier today.  He is so very like me."

Puck:  "I'm careful to close the gate as I found it, because I'm aware it's the worst crime on a farm to do otherwise."

Sean:  "Her expression is fierce and uncompromising, full of the intrepid bravery of a small boat in an uncertain sea.  Above us is the same full moon that lit the ocean all those nights ago."

Puck:  "I think, possibly, that this island has begun to get its hooks into him, and this makes me like him even more.  Anyone Thisby chooses to seduce can't be half-bad."

Puck:  "But mostly I think about the way he looks at me - with respect - and i think that's probably worth more than anything."

Sean:  "May the ocean keep our brave."

Sean:  "Do you know what to wish for now?"  I swallow.  I have no wishing-shell to throw into the sea when I say it, but I now that the ocean hears me nonetheless.  "To get what I need."

Vocabulary:

capaill uisce

uisce

guillemots

 

When I picked up this book I was expecting it to be good.  What I wasn't expecting was to be so highly invested in Puck.  I felt like she was a fresh Third Mate on an oil tanker for her first rotation.  I wanted her to succeed - so, so badly - and she did.  When Sean was introduced I wanted him to not be a pushover trying to get the girl - and he wasn't.

I liked this book but, more importantly, I liked the people in it!

I enjoy YA but, this, this book could be enjoyed by anyone.

Here's the Sitch

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...and by sitch I mean:  Situation. I have waaaay more photos from my trip home.  I can't NOT post photos of Hilo.  It just feels sacrilegious.  I also can't just cram them all into one post - I mean, where's the fun in that?!  So gear up for seeing them every now and then!

Day Two in Hilo began with a quick jaunt down to Coconut Island.

Coconut Island is Hilo's picnic GO TO.  In fact, it's such a go to place that on the weekends you may be hard pressed to find a blanket spot!  There is usually an impromptu game of some sort on the large lawn - touch football, volleyball, or maybe even soccer.  There is an old tower that is the perfect place to launch yourself like a canon ball into the water.  It's the perfect place to go fishing with the kids.  There are some pavilions for covered parties as well but, you better book these early - they go fast!  In fact, I had a really fun birthday party there when I was a kid.  All that goodness set aside, the best part of Coconut Island are it's views of Hilo Bay!

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30x30 :: BOKEH

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20. Do the cool camera trick where you get shapes of light by covering the lens with a cut out (bokeh?)

After doing a little research I can in fact confirm that this cool camera trick is called BOKEH.  A more thorough description can be found here but, in a nutshell, bokeh means blur in Japanese.

I can't exactly explain why but I've always wanted to take a photo where my lights were shaped like hearts.  It just seems so magical.  I spend a lot of time with my camera - a little magic was well deserved.

My nights have been pretty mellow in Houston - mostly because I don't have television or internet - and no things.  I needed to get creative....I figured that Big Bertha was chomping at the bit to get some time out of the purse...what better time to bokeh the night away?!

I read a few online tutorials (like this one and this one) and decided to give it a whirl however; in typical Megan fashion I read the instructions and then did my own thing....which didn't exactly work out.

The premise:  You cover your camera lens with a dark piece of paper with your desired shape cut out.  Then you adjust your camera to aperture priority - or you become a magician with manual settings.

My first try consisted of a brown paper bag cut to fit over the lens with a hair elastic to hold it in place...this let in waaay too much light.

way too much light.

I tried a paper bag in several different ways - no luck.  Then I decided to try a paper bag from my lanai...

better...

Because it was so much darker out there I could kind of get it to look like hearts.

I was running into several problems.  I didn't have the 50mm lens that every tutorial recommended.  I had my two kit lenses:  18-105 and 75-300.  This meant that I needed to zoom in on something further away.  I had decent results with my much larger lens on objects across the street (the above photo is using a brown paper bag zoomed in on streetlights).  I also didn't have the black poster board that was recommended.

Road Trip!  I zoomed off to target and bought a piece of poster board and some black electrical tape.

I sat in the driver seat and constructed a cap for my lens like the second tutorial recommends.

Can you see the cap placed on the end?

(Does it ever crack you up when you try to recreate a craft project and yours looks like a Kindergartener made it?!)

THEIRS:

Their Cap.

MINE:

My Cap. NAILED IT.

NAILED IT.  (insert light hearted chuckle...)

(Also, I needed to make one small modification...The heart shape wasn't big enough so I cut a circle their and then cut out a larger heart that I taped over this one...)

Then, I looked like a total creeper and sat in my car in the Target parking lot with my telephoto lens.  I pretty much had it down at this point...things were going well.

I zoomed over to my favorite christmas light display (sorry, this was pre-hawaii trip).  (Canadiaunt - remember that tree that had large tendrils of lights with balls hanging from the tree?)

Next problem - I couldn't stay steady enough.

the wrong kind of blurry.

I came to my next realization.  You HAVE to have a tripod.  There really isn't an option.

I went home and decided to reconvene my mission on the following day.

The next evening - tripod in tow I went back to my tree.

Pretty Hearts!

SUCCESS!!!!!

The tripod is majorly the answer.

Then, not only did I feel like a creeper but, I felt like I was going to get busted by the neighborhood watch.  I had my tripod set up - with my telephoto lens - crouched behind my car - kneeling on the street - pointing my camera at peoples homes to capture their christmas lights.  How exactly would you explain that?!  'Oh don't worry, I'm just trying to take heart shaped photos of christmas lights?!' - Riiiight.

Any which way - it worked.  I used my big lens, I stayed further away from the lights and zoomed in and I used a tripod.

angels.

My favorite photo of the evening.  Slightly out of focus angels made up of hearts.

Wanna see more?  No Problemo:

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